Erimentha

is pregnant :)

I’m not even aware that you have an account here! LOL 

Before anything else let me just say this: YOU’RE STUPID. I love you dearly but Jesus Christ, you’re so fucking stupid it’s unbelievable.

There. Now that we have that out of the way, let’s move on.

Our principles have always been different but we get along very well. You know the relationships I’ve had, down to the dirtiest details. Just like I know about yours. You even watched me cry my eyes out and exhaust all my tears (not because of the affairs, thank
you very much) when I was down, much to my protests of course (pride issues, yeah).

When I find out about his affairs I just stare at you and just smile, You were such a wreck that time. Why? How fucking grand is that?

Anyway, we both know what happened between then and now so let’s cut it short.

I have never meddled in any of your sordid affairs (yeah you don’t have to deny it). You know I don’t give a shit about whoever’s going down on you during your drunken weekends or whose man you’re currently straddling. I figured, hey it’s your life. Live it the way you see it fit. Besides, I’m not exactly a saint. I’ve done far worse things. But you’ve given me such headaches as of late that I feel like beating the daylights out of you.

Okay, this current flame of yours. He said he love you. Fine. He said he never felt this way
about a woman before. Sure. He said he want this to be for keeps. Right. He said he loves you just as much. I’m sure he do. That’s why he slept with someone else, yeah? But he is “cheating” on you and being overly jealous and possessive is not even the point here!

The point is, when you’re around with him you act like everything’s fine and dandy, the world’s a peach, you can’t be any happier and all that bullshit when on your own words, he is killing you little by little. Instead of confronting him about things that bother you, you just slap him out of his senses. You whine and you bitch and you complain about this and that to ME but
when we don’t have time to see each other you’re just with him.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

You’re behaving like a fucking psycho.

So yeah, I love you but I’m going to kill you. 

Oh I don’t mind listening to your whining and bitching. That’s what I’m here for anyway. What annoys me is that you’re not doing anything about your woes. You don’t even
try. You just play the part of the satisfied girlfriend. 

Bullshit.

High blood. Breath. Magkakaron na yata ako! LOL

I’ve been in a lot of serious and not-so-serious relationships.
More than a few have ended ugly. Uglily. Whatever. My guess is that I’m a really fantastic girl who doesn’t really know what I want, and I’ve broken a few hearts as a result. I get whoever i want on a flick of my hand, and I enjoy the feeling of falling in love, but
once I’m there, either boredom or the old “grass is greener” syndrome sets in. The mind wanders, and with it goes the flesh. And then the toiletries.

I know I’m not the classic “love ‘em and leave ‘em” type, at least not in a purely sexual sense. I had too many serious bonding tendencies for that. But even though I’m theoretically looking to
settle down, I don’t settle long on one person. “Serial monogamist” is probably something you hear a lot. “Emotionally loose” is another way to put it. It doesn’t really make much difference. Of course, it’s not entirely my fault that people get hurt. I have every right to
move on when I choose.

If desire causes suffering, it may be because we do not desire wisely,or that we are inexpert at obtaining what we desire. Instead of hiding our heads in a prayer cloth and building walls against temptation, why not get better at fulfilling desire? Salvation is for the feeble,
that’s what i think. I don’t want salvation, I want life, all of life, the miserable as well as the superb.

I can give you nothing that you already have inside yourself. I can’t open you another world of images, besides that which already exist on your soul. I can only give you the opportunity, the impulse, the key. I’ll help you to reveal your own world, and that is all.

You asked if I would lie with you and just forget the world. I would go wherever your mind takes my soul, I would kill the time and won’t need anything else but feel your hand and take me to places….

Many times i have to fight the urge to hug you and kiss you, let you stir me from my sweet solitude.Sometimes when i look at you, I feels like I’m gazing at a distant star. find myself in a position i have never been before..I simply cannot put letters together to form words, to describe how you make me feel. I have said many things before, perhaps so much that your truly speechless.                            

I love it when you :

Give me surprises.

Steal kisses from me. 

Give me your jacket when I’m cold. 

Hug me from behind.

Act stupid just to make me smile. 

Stare at my face while I’m not looking.

Tell me I’m pretty when I know I’m not. 

Send good morning and goodnight texts. 

Call just to say you love me. 

Put up a status on facebook for me. 

Share stories to your friends about me. 

Try to make a love letter. 

Ask my opinion/permission before doing something. 

Makes me feel I complete you. 

This was actually written a long time ago, I just decided to post it here as well. :) It was for someone who I used to know… 

BUT……

I’m putting you out of my head.
You’re such a distant memory to me now, like something that just
happened to me akin to being mugged. Well, that’s how it feels like
today. Maybe i’ll miss you again tomorrow. But then again, maybe not. I
can do it. You can do it. You can actually find yourself being open to
the possibility that you can still love somebody else with as much fire
as you dish out every time. If there’s anything, I know we both give our
all every time. I don’t know if I’m saying goodbye but I hope I’m making
sense to you. I’m just happy where I am now and I hope you don’t take
it against me for not being miserable while you’re there. I still have
a life too, remember? I’m finally at peace with everything that has
happened. I hope you understand. Doesn’t mean I care for you any less.I’m sorry for being selfish. It was all fun for me and I didn’t know it will go that far or that deep. Everything I said was true and everything I felt with you at that time was real. But things change and
I’m obliged to that. So are you.

Salamat sa lahat. Lalo na sa oras at luha mo

*this was written a year ago. 

:) :) :) 

I never been this happy. Feeling light and contented. Every thing happens for a reason and i don’t think I ever regretted anything and NOW is not the right time to start. To each and everyone, just because i don’t say anything please refrain from making any assumption about my personality. I DARE YOU TO KNOW ME. There’s something there or maybe a li’l bit of the drama,who knows?
still a blur to me. and if ever you’re wondering if it’s intentional or
not, it is.

Lahat ng bagay pwde, pero hindi lahat dapat. That’s the lesson I’ve learned. I’ve been there and done that. Faith is blind. Wag naten dun lahat iasa.

There. Now that we have that out of the way let’s move on. 

I’m 23 and I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.

…..Not that I know a lot of people that do.

Argh. I hate that I honestly don’t know what I want to do with myself. I hate that I’m not driven nor do I have the guts to actually make things happen. This sucks.

I used to think I’ve had it all figured out. I was set, I was doing okay. But then I guess you can only stay in your comfort zone for so long before you suffocate yourself. All my life, I’ve built this wall of passiveness. I’ve lived my life easing my way from one phase to another. I never figured out what I’m good at or what my strengths are. I’ve never felt that I’ve excelled in anything. I went with the flow, rode the wave, figuring that whatever’s going to happen is going to happen.

I called it “simplicity”. I thought I was “content”, “satisfied”, “laidback” and “carefree”. Only to realize now that I’ve been nothing but a settler. I settled with what was in my way even when I know that I could do so much better. I’ve settled with myself, with school, with work, with life. I’ve been in denial for the longest time, waiting for that moment when everything would come to me and everything would be okay. 

No, I don’t mean to be a whiny, ungrateful drama queen but there’s got to be more to this. I don’t want to wait until I’m 50 before I realize what I want. I don’t want to wait before all the good opportunities close out on me before I realize that I need to take them. I want to live my life knowing that I’m actually seizing it, doing what I really want to do. I want to know that I’m doing my part.

Now, if I only know where to start. I wish I had the slightest clue.

Oh, well. At least I’ve let it out. That felt good. 

I don’t know where it is we are going, all i know is that we are heading  there too fast, that we will arrive there far too soon. 

                                            it’s time to prove them wrong 

But it just doesnt get any easier… . 

a bit dramatic, but while im feeling depressed lets talk about some things i like and don’t like;

I like the feeling you get when you write something beautiful

I like when the weather isn’t too hot or too cold, but just perfect.

I like a job well done.

I like when everything falls into place again.

I like the calm after the storm.

I like british accents.

I like good books.

I like perfect hair days.

I like getting things off my chest.

Today I woke up and couldn’t remember the dream I had

In some ways, I love everything.

Its less, its less of a thing to like, its less distinct, its less particular.

I like things that I like but I love everything.

There’s more choice in like

Cos even the worst things have things you love in them

I hate not being able to choose. I hate that I have to choose at all.

I hate not knowing.

I hate missing so many people and not being able to do anything about it.

I hate that we promised we’d keep in touch, but we haven’t.

I hate that things will never be THAT way again. 

I hate that everything’s different.

I hate people who are spoilt and don’t realize how good they have it.

I hate that I’m not strong enough.

I hate that I’m not as strong as I thought I was.

I hate you for disappointing me. 

I hate that you don’t care enough to change. 

I hate that’s it’s raining outside. all. the. time.

Too tired to get out what i gotta get out. I’ m just sick of being let down by people I trust. I’m sick of being alone and sick of pushing away people that I feel aren’t good enough. Sometimes I want to go to sleep and never wake up. That isn’t a joke, either. It’s cowardice. The desire to give up. Give up because the fight is hard. Its the pussy way out. Giving up a fight because you dont “feel like fighting anymore”.

I hate this.